


D&D Campaign: Collection of Stories

by Neshtaswritings



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neshtaswritings/pseuds/Neshtaswritings
Summary: I have been writing quite a few short stories to run along the D&D campaign that I have been currently obsessed with. There's alot of stuff going on here, and we're going to bounce around between Bianca and Nives' perspectives. Also something things will be evolving and we're going to meet even more of Bianca's circle of friends!
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character





	1. Small and Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Biaca suffers a nightmare that plays on all the insecurities that had built up deep inside over the last few sessions. Poor girl....she'll be ok!

The blankets felt like sandpaper, the air hurt to breathe. My throat burned from the alcohol and my eyes from the tears. I was trying my best to be small, quiet, unknowable. But I could feel the small room outside of my bed. The companion close by, I knew she knew. I knew she could hear. But I lost any and all of my usual means of hiding things. My armor lay shattered at my feet. With not enough time to mend it.  
*You’re useless, you always have been.*  
The words bore into my mind. Words spoken years ago. An age ago. Haunting sounds from the past tore at me as I tired in vain to ignore them.  
*She only ever loved you because you were the only one. Now, she’s free and happier without you.*  
I clutched my head, suppressing a scream and holding it in. Small. Quiet. I have to be small and quiet. That’s what good girls do. That’s what good children are. I’ve only ever been loud and in the way. Bothering Gwyn, Father Kuroz and Elenin. I lumbering oaf of a stupid human. Too useless to really help them, but too brazen to part with. Every group needs its fool.  
It was becoming harder and harder over the past few days(now weeks). Hells, who am I kidding? It’s been hard for years now. Deep down, under all the balking and bravery the truth digs its way to the surface: I’m nothing. A cut below the norm. Unworthy of anything: Titles, power, skill. I deserve none of it.  
*She was the only reason you looked good. Stripped of Nives, you are nothing.*  
I held myself tighter and fought the sobs. Fought feelings that welled up. I tried my best to master my mind and body, but they both were becoming unravelled. It wouldn’t be too much longer. The group would have to face the truth and do away with me. The only thing binding us together was the mystery to solve. They were not friends. How could they be? They were just transient passersby. Just people with more important lives than mine. And soon they’d be gone.  
Just like I always act like I wanted. I would be alone again, a sea away from my old life. From the kingdom and home. From the lands and people that I knew from my ancestry.  
The lands and people shine bright without you there.  
In my mind, I saw myself get out of the bed, sheets let slip aside. I was called, called to the outside. The cold floorboards barely registered to my barefeet. I walked out of the tavern. I walked past the hearth now cold and vacant, and into the frigid moonlit night.  
The figure waited, hulking, fur and muscle towering over me. It waited with the patience of time. A predator waiting to sink its teeth in. She was better than me. In all ways. A better hunter, a far better fighter. Kinder, softer, more capable of winning over the hearts of her new friends. They were not mine. Just people I travelled with. But for the newcomer, they were friends...family. I always wanted to be alone, so why do I fight this?  
*They will be better without you.*  
The voice echoed in my mind, the creature, the newcomer turned to look down at me.  
*Stop burdening us with your presence. Just leave. Go and never grace anyone with your failures again. It’s the only way. Nives was lucky to have you taken from her. She’s happier now.*  
The figure bent down, I was frozen in place. All I could feel was its hot breath on my neck. The intent in its eyes. The jaws opened, and I watched in horror as it closed in. But the relief washed over me. It was right. If I was gone, all of this would be solved with ease. No more Bianca. No more loud giant ruining things. Everyone I cared for is safer no, better, without me. The warmth of blood gushing down my body as it bit down. The serenity that comes with giving in. The screams mingled with the silence of the night and became it.  
My eyes snapped open. I was in the bed, covered in sweat. I wrapped the blanket more tightly around me. Afraid of having made too much noise in my sleep. An elf always knows, they have that hearing. I tried to be small and quiet. I tried to be less present.  
I tried, like I always do before failure


	2. Hope Long Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nives struggles with the changing time as the world starts to rip itself apart. But all she can do is think of Bianca...

“Nives? Your tea is getting cold.” The familiar voice snapped me out of my daydreaming. I blinked and shook my head. Still wrapped in the blanket and soaked, I rubbed my face.  
“Eh, sorry master.”  
“Greta.” She corrected, having sat down at the table across from me. She held her own cup of tea in her hands. “Ever since you became a fully-fledged hunter, that’s not been my title.” She was wearing something warm and casual. For her that meant suspenders and slacks, with a cotton button up shirt. She always dressed well, her way of doing things. Not mine. But I had to admit, when she was in her full gear, with that duster and her pointed hat, she looked fearsome as all hells. Her hands gripped the mug. I could see the dark red skin turn lighter with the force. She was worried, I hate to have done that to her.  
“Always a master, Greta, that’s just how it is.” I finally took a sip of my tea. Familiar, herby, sweet. She always put in extra honey for me. The warm fire crackled next to me, the flame’s light dancing away in the room.  
“Do you remember anything?” She probed. I could hear that analytical side to her surfacing. I shook my head.  
“Nothing, I mean I remember the lights….but then it’s like…” I sighed. “My mind just went blank.” I sighed, taking another sip.  
“Another fit? It’s...been years Nives, are you sure you’re ok? I can get Saria?” I shook my head again. I didn’t want to bother Greta’s wife, she’d been joining the Conclave’s efforts to untangle all this shit going down. She’d been exhausted from work, and was sleeping upstairs.  
“No. She needs her rest. I...I don’t know maybe it’s all this shit? I’ve been hunting non-stop.” Greta leaned back at my words, she looked irritated.  
“I know. I have too. But I just...I worry Nives. I find you standing outside, staring straight ahead in the rain. I remember those nights you sleep walked or just...stood in the corner for hours on end. I just don’t want that to happen to you again.” her tail whapped a bit against the floor. I could tell it was her irritation (or concern) showing.I finished the tea, setting the mug aside. It had been years since I had these fits forced their way into my life. The time losses, the...seizing that overtook me...especially if the light played on a window, or certain kinds of magic shimmered too much. I never remember what happened, just that I came to a few hours later.  
As I grew up, it had gotten better. But lately, it has been getting worse. I just never told Greta. She had enough shit on her plate. Hells, the fates had been piling it on her since birth. I hated it. Great was an amazing person, good and kind. But the fates repaid that with constant loss: First her parents, her name, her reputation. Then the Conclave never really respected her...then she lost her fuckin kid. Even being a Tiefling made things harder for her, their kind wasn’t well trusted. Everything was harder for her. It just wasn’t fair. And I hated unfairness. One day I’d find the fates and punch their fucking lights out. One for Bianca, one for Greta.  
After I warmed and dried myself at the fire, Greta brought me my clothes. I thanked her then got my gear back on. “You going out tonight? In this weather? Nives, you’ll freeze!” Gods, she was always like that. I was never just her apprentice, I was something else. Something neither of us were ready to say. Not yet. She handed me one of her oiled cloaks. “At least take this. Moron.” I smiled at the affection, throwing the cloak over me and fastening it.  
“Sure thing, old hag. I’ll be back later, I just got some shit to do.” I mumbled, giving her a nod and heading out into the rain. The coldness hit me as surely as any fist would. I reached up to rub my scarred face, and let out a sigh. It still hurt, at times. It was hard to tell if I was just imagining it though. It only ever happened when I was worried. Probably imagined, but...it felt so real. Last night, I had a dream about Bianca, it was so frightening, so believable, I woke up in a haze of emotions. I had to calm myself down with a drink, which wasn’t my thing usually. Unless I was trying to impress a certain giantess. It was just a dream though, I keep telling myself that.  
My shoes clacked down the cobblestone, instantly muffled by the rain and wind. They stole the sounds away, it was hard to hear anything out here aside from a thundering, constant drone of the rain soaking the city. I pulled the hood of the cloak up, then headed to the Conclave’s post office. It was stupid, but I had to check. I remember the last few months. Seeing the death notice. I was crushed...fuck, that’s nothing I was not...here. I don’t remember weeks at a time. I just laid in my bed and tried to waste away. Part of me wanting to just fade, the other part pissed off I was so weak. Then, I pull my ass up out of the gutter. And I got back to hunting. I might not have had my love anymore, but that didn’t mean other folks weren’t suffering still. And I’d be damned if I was going to do nothing while the world went to hell.  
Then, just a couple weeks ago, some overseer sent me a missive: Bianca is alive. Just nothing, and then I get fucking slammed with that. Those fuckers take her away from me, say she’s dead, then pull that bullshit. I was close to telling them to fuck off, buying a ticket on a boat, and running to Axis. To her. But I couldn’t. Not with all this shit going on. So now every day I check the mail, hoping to hear from her. Bianca WILL contact me, she’d not let this bullshit lie, and I got that. I trusted her. That’s how love fucking works, doesn’t it?  
Something made me nearly freeze in place, but I didn’t break my stride. I realized that my hearing had picked up something: Foot steps. They were unnaturally paced, meaning they were following me. Making sure not to follow too close, but not too far as to lose me. It took me a while to pick up on it once I was actively listening, the rain didn’t help. Given these times, I had no idea who they could be. There might be agents of the fey, trying to take out hunters for all I knew. I walked past the alley that led to the Conclave hidden door, instead slowing a bit as I rounded a corner. I turned and waited, hand resting on the hilt of my sword.  
The sound of clambering behind me, followed by the familiar swish of steel through the air. Shit, they climbed over to give me a sneak attack. Shit, impressive, but still too slow. I turned just in time to catch the bladeIt had been swung low, odd for most attackers. With a twist of the handle, I sent the small dagger flying. I stepped into my opponent’s circle, smashing them in the face with the hand holding the sword, and stood over them. The small shape fell to the cobble stone with a startled cry. I had the tip of my sword at their throat, staring down at….a kid!? That would explain the lighter footsteps. They glared up at me, hair a mess, face now bloody and eyes burning with...something familiar. Something untamed. I kept my position though.  
“Someone send you?” My voice cut through the rain, it had picked up so much I had to yell. “Come on, I can smell bullshit, kid!” They glared back up at me. Elf. Hmm, a full blood too. That’s not as common nowadays, what with the sky ripping open and people getting stupid.  
“Just….no one.”  
“Bullshit.” I pressed the tip of the sword to their throat a bit more, barely enough to break the skin. More than enough to prove my point. The kid made a scared sound that made my stomach twist. But also I got the impression this was a tool they used often.  
“Someone.. I don’t know who, dropped a message off. This morning, ok!?” I smiled.  
“And you’ve been following me since then? Shit….you’re both stupid and good.”  
“I’m not stupid! You’re stupid.”  
“No shit, we’re all stupid kid, that’s how peple work! Anyone who thinks they’re smart is dead.” I offered my hand. They actually took it and pulled them to her feet. “Whoever hired you is gonna want to get answers, and they might not ask nicely.” I took a moment to regard them. There was….a lot that reminded me of Bianca, somehow. Those eyes. That fire. “Yer gonna burn up, kid. And no one will give a shit….Go back to the building I left when you started to tail me. Talk to the lady there. Tell her I sent you, and if you try to kill her. She’ll bleed you dry, so don’t try it.” The kid gulped, but nodded. “I’m givin’ you a chance, you wanna go back to your master and get your throat cut? Fine by me. Or take a risk. Some difference to me, Kid. Big choice for you.”  
“How can I trust you?” They finally asked. Good. They were considering it.  
“You can’t. That’s kinda the bitch of life. Trust is earned and I didn’t earn shit. But I didn’t kill you, and I could have. I’m putting myself at risk just reaching my hand out. Maybe that counts for something. That’s for you to decide.” They considered my words, then nodded and ran off. I let out a sigh of relief that it was at least in the direction of Greta’s home. I hated to feel hope, it’s been so rare lately. But with Bianca back, maybe this was a sign. The fates gave me her back, maybe this was my way of balancing the scales.  
I pulled up my hood again. The familiar clack of my shoes carried me on my way to my destination. I found my mind drifting away, down distant roads, over the sea, and to my love. I hoped her path was smooth and her journey was easy. May her prey find kindness in its last moments.


	3. Gamblin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little nicer in this one. We're chilling and having a good time. This takes place a few days after Bianca's last chapter, and she's feeling a little better. Good that all the friends can get a bit closer with some gaming.

“Ok….the rules again, are!?” I asked staring down at the small wooden bowl, with the dice resting in it. Gwyn, Kuroz and I sat around a tree stump. Father Kuroz had suggested that on this leisurely evening, we engage in some good-natured fun. I thought he meant wrestling, I remain disappointed it’s not.   
“It’s a dice game…” He explained with the fatherly tone we’d all grown used to. I wasn’t sure about anyone else, but it was rather nice to think of him as my father. Better than the blowhard I had. “You roll two of these dice into the bowl, if you get a seven you win. If you don’t you lose and the next player rolls. Every time you roll you toss in the pot. Winner takes the pot.” I nodded along as he explained. It sounded like a game I used to play with Nives, except the winner punched the loser. I suspected that she made that part up.   
“That sounds acceptable.” Gwyn said smoothly, she gestured to the father. “Why don’t you go first?” She said, her lips twitching in a slight smile. I felt that sense of relief any time I saw her armor break just a little bit. It was only a matter of time. Whatever it was that her ‘parents’ did to her would be broken. Bit by bit, she’d heal. The clatter of dice drew my attention back to the game, and father Kuroz simply shrugged, placing the first coin in the stump.   
“No luck. Bianca dearie….why don’t you try?” He said, holding the dice to me. I smirked, puffing my chest out. Then I took the dice and looked down at them. They looked so comically small in my hand, most things did. I grew used to it.   
“Hmph well then watch and learn, old man!” I shook the dice and dumped them in the bowl, two ones. ”Shit…” I heard a soft exhale from Gwyn, a laugh? Maybe. I just smirked at her and handed the dice over. “Well then let’s see if miss nimble fingers can do it!” I said, setting a coin down to make a small pile of two.   
“Yes. Let’s.” She shook the dice, maintaining eye contact with me the whole time, then tossed them in the bowl.   
“Aye, that’s a seven.” Kuroz sumized, I glared over at him.   
“I know that old man!” He just laughed at my outburst. Gwyn leaned forward to grab her hefty prize, tucking the two coins in a pouch.   
We continued on for a few more rounds, the sounds of leaves dancing in the wind gave way to the mournful drone of crickets. I smiled a bit at it all. The cold felt good again. My limbs felt stronger and my heart sang more often. And this moment, this one right here, this was the stuff of gold. We, friends and comrades, sitting and playing. Bonding.   
It seemed however, that we all hit a poor streak. The pot was building up over quite a few turns. Even Gwyn was starting to grow irritated. All in good fun, of course. “What’s going on here?” I looked up to see Aire, tilting her head at all of us. “I just finished my training and I noticed you all gathered around the stump.”   
“Not the stump.” Father Kuroz tapped the bowl with his finger. “A game.”  
“Game? What kind of game?…” her curiosity was more than evident. I let out a mirthful laugh. It was wonderful to feel those again. I patted the ground next to me.   
“We’ll show you, it’s very easy. But fun!” A brief explanation of the rules and we had a new player. It didn’t take long for a smile to grow on Aire’s lips as well. We played another round with our new friend, and yet...the pot kept growing.   
“Aye, this is rather unprecedented.” Father Kuroz mused aloud. He tossed his dice and...Nope. A six. I scoffed.   
“Hmph, these dice are cursed Old man!” I let out a guffaw as I said that, drinking from my ‘water’ skin.   
“None of my equipment is cursed, Bianca. I assure you….” Gwyn said, a playful sneer playing upon her lips. “I’m sure that lady luck will smile on one of us. Eventually.”   
“Ohhh lady luck. I gotta get in on that!” We all looked up to see Elenin, he was just in the process of putting his Kalimba away. “What?....I got bored and you’re all cheering and stuff, I wanna join in!” The more the merrier. Yet again the rules were explained. (Thank the gods they were so simple.) We played a round up to Elenin, just to show him how it goes.   
When it was his turn, he grabbed the dice, tossed his coin onto the pile, and got ready to throw. He shook his hand with a gleeful smile and tossed the dice into the bowl. The dice rattled and rambled around, dancing along the wooden surface for what felt like eternity. We all leaned in to watch and it hit. Seven.   
I flopped back, letting out a groan of defeat. I could hear my companions do the same. “What? What’d I do?” Elenin asked, perplexed. The sound of coins and Aire’s soft giggle mingled with the symphony of the night. I looked up at the stars, the glow from the campfire defusing them just a bit. It was ok. Everything was ok. I had friends. I had people who needed and cared about me, including our new one. One day, I’d have Nives again too. I felt myself laugh. A joyous belly laugh, the kind that crept up from deep inside and wouldn’t let go until you were rolling on the floor, unable to breath.   
Everything in real life is so much smaller than in dreams. Dreams are deceptive, they are truth, but stripped of any semblance of reason. They are exaggerations of feelings: Fear and doubt become giants. Monsters of impossible scale. But the real truth is that problems, in real life, are smaller. Smaller and quieter.


	4. Held close to the heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nives gets something she needs to make it through the tough times Ahead.

I stepped into the Conclave office, this was a smaller side office from the main HQ in the city. One of the many little nooks to either house wayward hunters or ‘facilitate communications’, as they worded it. In reality, it’s a rest stop and simple post office. But it’s the one I declared all my mail to be sent to. For the time being, I was living in Elsetyr with Greta, and this was a short walk away.  
The room was dark and inviting, like most places in the conclave (except the grand hall, I hate that fucking rich-ass person place.) A few lamps lit the dim room in a nice warm glow, and it was pretty empty with the weather and time of day. I instantly walked over to the counter, trying not to look like I was rushing. A clerk sat behind it, reading something. It looked like one of those new ‘papers’ or like...what the fuck was the word? Newspapers. Some cheap pamphlet thing that gave out news. I always hated town criers so this is an improvement. But the news has and always will be a tool of the rich to indoctrinate the poor. Fuck it.  
She looked up from her reading, adjusting her glasses. “Oh...hello Miss Carmine, you DO have mail today!” She smiled at me, like she was happy for me. I couldn’t help but smile and tip my head to her. Funny, I thought she had gotten sick of me coming in every day.. However, hearing this made my heart race, I fought to stay calm.  
“Oh? Sure...thanks.” I took the letter offered, then looked it over carefully. As if I was making sure it was real. I walked to the hangar, shrugging off my cloak and hanging it up to dry. I sat at one of the desks and opened the envelope with trembling fingers. The words were poured over quickly. My heart was in my throat as I raced over it. It WAS Bianca. MY Bianca. The way that pretentious twat wrote was unmistakable. Once I got finished, I let out a sigh. “Fucking SHIT Bianca!” saying that aloud felt good, like she was right beside me. “Why do you ALWAYS blame shit on yourself!? Fucking giant moron!” And she seriously thought I’d be with ANYONE else!? What kind of bullshit was she on!?  
I reached over to grab a quill and started to scribble down my response, dumb moron! Fucking giant... beautiful person! Bianca was perfect in every way possible! How dare she hate herself!? I made sure to let her know that I still loved her (of course I did) and that I was ok. AND that WE were still together. As I wrote, I tried to think of whatever else news would help her. Maybe tell her about my missing time? No.. she’d worry too much. Best to leave that out.  
Once I was done, I folded it up in the envelope, then sealed it with wax. I glanced behind my shoulder, then gave the letter a kiss. I don't wear lipstick, but...maybe Bianca would know. It helped to do it anyway. Made me feel better. I got up from the desk and walked over to the clerk. “Hey uh, I need this sent to wherever Bianca Steiner is currently stationed?” I asked, trying not to look TOO suspicious. She nodded and took the letter.  
“I’ll make sure to double check her current hunts and stations, and send it right away!” I nodded to her, then grabbed the cloak and headed back into the rain. I smiled a bit as I wrapped the fabric around me. It was...nice to have Greta. She cared. She was one of the good ones that gave a shit. The cloak was just a reminder of how much she thought of me. With all the shit going on, maybe I should consider doing something nice for her? I had no idea what that would be right now.  
The cool rain felt a bit relieving. The letter, thinking about Bianca. It had my cheeks flushing a bit. Gods, I missed her. I missed her fucking voice. Her arms, her touch… I sighed aloud as I stepped out into the street after crossing the end of the alley. It...it’s been a while since her and I made love. I kept thinking back to that morning, that day. Trying to relive and capture every moment in my mind. Turning them into crystal and trying to set every detail into perfect recollection. The problem is that memories can’t get the same thing going as the real thing. And it’s been a LONG time since the real thing. My breath felt hot as I headed back for my home. Mind filled with many, many thoughts. Ok, stop it horndog. Standing in front of the door, I took a moment to compose myself. Then walked inside.  
The warmth of the living room hit me harder than I was ready for. I was still a bit too pent up, I guessed. Memories of Bianca and warm nights flooded my mind. “Nives, good that you came back in one piece...I suppose you’ll be explaining this!?” Greta met me at the door, her tail lashed about slightly as she glared at me. She gestured to the kid, who was sat at the table, eating soup. I felt a bit of joy over that. She chose right.  
“Oh yeah...Don’t worry Greta….I can explain!”  
“You’d better!”  
Ok, so I guess I have more than just her kindness to pay Greta back for. I’d figure this out, I always do.


	5. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nives needs some training time with her master, and maybe a bit of a vent as well.

“Again.” I felt blood boil in my veins. The cold stones offered no comfort as I grunted and got to my feet. “Again.” The voice repeated the command. Greta stood over me, holding her training sword in my direction. “You asked me to help you, Nives. That’s what I’m trying to do.” She explained herself calmly, like always. As she did she paced from side to side, waiting for me to get back into my stance. “Well? Again!”   
It was a cool fall day, the recent rain gave way to bright, cloudless days. I’d been spending as much time as I could outside. Training. I had been back in action with the Conclave for a few months now, and while I was doing ok. I felt...off. So my free time had been spent getting my mind and body back into shape. They had me running ragged. But that’s because the world was fucking ending. I couldn’t blame them for that, to be honest. Honestly, my state wasn’t too much concern for me, because without Bianca I didn’t much care. But she’s alive, and waiting for me. And I’d be damned if some fucking monster takes me out before I see my bean can again.   
So here I was, having asked Greta to put me through the paces. My master, true to form, was kicking my ass all over the training grounds. She had her own little area in the back of her house, with some standard training gear and a small ring. Unlike most places, the run had stones on the ground, part of her entire thing: Hard training makes hard fighters.At least the sun was shining while we did all this, at least there was that.  
I let out a grunt of annoyance and charged, trying my best to hit her as fast as I could. But I still felt sluggish, slow. The months in bed made me soft and weak. I was trying for a feinting attack, but I stumbled over as I felt the flat of Greta’s blade on the back of my thighs. “Ah SHIT!” I swore, getting back up to my feet. “I didn’t think I was this bad…”   
“You’ve been on several hunts since all this, what’s got you so distracted?”   
“I suck at dueling, you know that.” I covered, trying to save my dying ego. Greta chuckled at that, resting the sword on her shoulder, her tail swished around gently.   
“You are easily one of the best sword fighters I’ve met, Nives. That’s not it and you know it.” Her voice tightened a bit. “There’s something else. Work it out or talk it out.” I sighed, nodding to her. After a moment I took my stance. Sucked in a breath, then let it out. She sized me up, then held her hands out. “Again.” I grit my teeth, then charged for another attempt.   
The attack that had meant to take me off balance cracked against the stones. I sidestepped her attack and struck out with my own. But of course, Greta had her blade up to block it, she shifted her stance and sent my momentum to the side. If I had been in the field, I’d have a blade in my offhand, but I didn’t. Instead of parrying the counter attack, I had to roll under the incoming swipe. I got to my feet and she was right in front of me. We clashed, our blades (or rather, wooden sticks) crossed.   
“Hmph, better, better! See Nives, the rust just comes right off. You’re still slow though…” I let out a gasp as the foot hooked behind mine, and I was slammed to the ground. Stars danced in front of my eyes for a moment, and I groaned and rubbed the back of my head. I blinked my eyes open. I saw her hand outstretched for me to take. She pulled me to my feet as soon as I grabbed it. Greta’s eyes tinged with concern a bit. But as soon as she felt the back of my head, she let out a sigh. “I was worried for a moment there…”   
“You’re always worried!” I sighed, walking over to sit down on a wooden bench. “It seems like it’s all you do, Greta!” I didn’t mean to have my words cut so much, but they did. Greta came over and sat beside me.   
“Is that the problem? Me being ah, too worried? Things are just difficult lately, Nives. The world is tearing itself apart and all I can do is keep those I...Keep people safe.” She spoke so softly. The words cut like a blade that was slowly slid across my flesh. Guilt burned in my chest. I sat up to look at her.   
“No no it’s not that!” I growled a bit, I hated words, but I needed to say them. I couldn't have her be hurt. Not because of me. “It’s….I never wanted to go back, Greta. To like, when we first met you know? But all the shit that’s been going on, losing Bianca, then not, getting her letter...then, well, all this shit with the...” I waved my hand. “I feel so...in need. But you! You’re dealing with as much shit as me! I can’t just come here and...fucking…” I felt her arms around me, holding me close.   
“That's not how this works, Nives. When we met, when I took you in. I said to you that ‘A hunter is only as strong as her partner.’ That goes for everything, not just the Conclave. We can’t do everything on our own. We help each other. That’s what people do. Isn’t that what you do? When you go out and help those less better off than you? Do you think they are just taking? Or a burden? No...because you know the truth Nives.” She smiled at me, running her slender fingers through my hair. “And that’s how it is for me. You are not a burden Nives, you are my little fireball.” I felt the stress in my heart ease, a bit of relief in times when that was rare.   
“Alright, alright old woman, you don’t gotta dote on me too much!” Greta simply shook her head, and stood to pace over to the training area.   
“Good, then I don’t intend to.” She gripped her sword, shifting one foot in front of her and holding her blade in my direction. Her free arm rested behind her back. “Now...Again!”


	6. Cold nights, warm hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bianca is feeling better after recent events. Despite some harrowing battles both internal and external, things have started to work out for the gang. And Bianca is eager to bask in a bit of good feelings. If not for a little while.

I woke well into the night, remnants of the dream I had swirled in my mind. Father Kuroz’s screams still echoed. I could feel my friend over me, coming over to the corner where I lay to wake me for my watch. Gwyn’s hand hadn’t even reached me by the time my eyes blinked open. I nodded at her, sitting up and rubbing my face. She simply stood over me, watching. “Gwyn, I’m up.” I joked, smiling at her. “You need not kick me to make sure I won’t fall back asleep.” 

“I was merely making sure you were...fine.” She answered back in her usual detached tone. Gwyn was always so in control, so odd for one as young as her. I never saw a point controlling my emotions. Which, to be fair has got me into a fair bit of trouble. It even got me a bit of shit from Father Kuroz just this afternoon. But it just felt wrong, to supress what is deep inside. Perhaps it’s like my magic. 

I stood and stretched, taking the blanket with me as I headed outside to watch for trouble. It was a calm night, with most of the normal sounds from this time of year. I could hear the bats making their hunting calls, and the hoot of an owl. I sat down on the porch, smiling as I took the time to listen. Took the time to enjoy the feeling of nature all around me. The balance and rhythm that I fought for. It was nice to enjoy the fruits of my labour. 

The night was calm, crisp. So very much like home. It made me marvel at how different, yet alike the world was. From one kingdom to the next, so many different people, customs, dreams and ambitions. But yet, things could be so similar. The ebb and flow of the seasons was ever-present, even far to the South or North. So, no matter how far I am from home. There’s still reminders: The cold, the songbirds, that sweetness to the air when fall turns to winter. Oddly enough, I was excited for winter to come this year, I’d missed a few hadn’t I? 

As I sat and listened to the chorus of life around me, an odd sensation tugged at my perception. I glanced over to see a shape next to me. “Gods! Oh...Gwyn...You startled me.” I mumbled in embarrassment as I wrapped the blanket over my shoulders. 

“How does the watch go?” She asked, looking over to me. I regarded her for a moment, then nodded, returning my eyes to scan the treeline. I smiled. 

“It’s nice for things to be quiet for a while. It allows me to enjoy the sounds of nature. I miss it sometimes, you know? Travelling around...always focusing on the future. But I can in these moments, focus on the here and now.” I sighed. It seemed happiness was closer and closer to my grasp. I started to hum without even realizing it. 

“What song is that?” The question shook me from my trance. 

“Oh.” I blinked. “It’s an old song from back home. A lullaby.” I felt the chuckle shake my shoulders. “Nives loved it.” I stopped myself, shaking my head. “Loves it. She would always ask me to sing it, even if it was for children.”  
“I’m sure she’s eager to hear you sing it again for her. Which will happen.” Gwyn said, punctuating her point with a nod. I let out a soft breath, the cold air caused the puff of air to be seen, before it dissipated. 

“That is true, after all this...well, whatever it is. This..problem with the rifts or whatever those things happen to be...I’ll be hopping on the first boat home. No offence.” 

“None taken, are you expecting the Conclave to just let you go?” 

“They’d better!” I scoffed, and puffed my chest out. “After we save the world, they are going to owe me, and us! We’ll be heroes Gwyn.” All I got out of her was a derisive snort. 

“Perhaps we should focus on the task at hand.” Gwyn said softly. “It is not as if we can afford dreams right now.” 

“I suppose you are right, Gwyn. My head has been far away for too long. It’s time I get things sorted and actually rejoin all of you.” I paused. Warning to say more, but I stopped myself. 

“I’m sure with your height, the clouds often become an impedance.” Gwyn said, as she smiled at me ever so slightly. Actually, I wasn’t sure if it was a smile, or simply the moonlight playing tricks on me. I decided to let it be. I did however chuckle at the joke. 

“Ah well...Nives always teases me for it. She says that she’s going to have to tie me down, else my mind drifts off into the sky.” I looked back out at the trees, up to the stars, and smiled. My heart felt full again, my doubts washed away by the words of my allies. It’s not always the safest to find happiness from others I learned. They will fail you, or betray you. But that is the risk inherent in love. It is the way we extend ourselves to such danger. For the rewards outweigh them a thousandfold. 

This time, my friends saved me from my own mind. Perhaps I will return the favor someday. Perhaps not. That’s not really what's important. What is important is that I keep going. Not just for myself. But all those who know and love me. For the memory of my master. For my friends here, so wonderful, kind and caring. But also for Nives. As we made an unspoken promise. We will return to each other soon enough. Nothing will keep us apart, this I know for certain. 

I must have started humming as my mind wandered again, as out of the corner of my eye, I could see Gwyn swaying to the best gently. A slight curl to her lips, or perhaps it was the light again?


	7. A Long Time Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a huge revelation of WHO exactly made Bianca fall asleep for 200 years, Binaca is torn and disturbed. She has no anchor and no place to turn.

The steps were hard and cold, the clank my armored boots echoed down the large cavernous room as we entered. It seemed like everything was too loud, too much. This day had unfolded in ways I could never have guessed. Life, as always, served to knock my expectations aside and bring more pain with each revelation. I had learned far too much, far more than I wanted. It was reasonable to assume, maybe hope, that the Conclave had investigated what happened to me. That it was an isolated incident. Some...horrible crime one terrible person committed.

But, to learn that it was THEY who did this to me...that the Conclave took me, stole me away ripped, my life from me? They took Kalia: her kindness, her patience, her fucking pride in me. I wanted to have her in my life for longer. The time we had, with her guiding and teaching me, making me a better person, it was not enough. They took me from my parents, my legacy, my fate as a-no...I can’t let that also weigh on me. One problem at a time, Bianca. 

The others split off to find more evidence, I’d seen enough. The corpses, those poor, tortured souls..what did they do wrong!? Trust in the Conclave? Try to do the right thing? Just as I did. And what reward did that give them? Death, agony and suffering. To be severed from their loved ones. Each and everyone one of those victims had a story, a life, people who waited for them only for them to never return. 

It was the...unfairness that got to me. The stories of my homeland always told that those who did wrong would be undone, those who were good and just would receive rewards. A place of honor, or simply to be known and loved. But this. There was no justice in this. No fairness. 

The gold door beckoned me, I didn’t bother to follow the rest of them, just walked over to the door. My gauntleted fingers traced the paths and markings, as if they would unlock some long-hidden knowledge. As if they would give up their secrets onto me. But of course, nothing like that happened. I could not help but think of what Nives said when I confessed to her. When I explained what had actually happened to me...that I had gone away for over two hundred years. I woke up in these times, with nothing but the Conclave as my anchor. 

“Bianca, I don’t care about what you were, or where you came from!” Her hand was soft, warm. I swear, even now, I could feel the caress on my cheek, as she wiped away the tears. “I care about what you DO. All the other stuff is just bullshit. That’s what people are, Bianca, what we DO not our names, our titles, our fucking circumstances. What. We. DO! And you are the best damn person I ever met. When push comes to shove, you do what’s right.” Those words, they changed my life. Nives was the best thing to happen to me, and she was my reason. 

My hand clenched into a fist, the clank of the steel parts coming together sounding in my ears. The scape of metal on metal as I slid my other hand away seemed to cut through my hesitation, my resolve felt stronger. Because I do not fight for the Conclave, a group, an institution. One that I just learned is capable of this! No, no...I fight for Nives. I fight for those I love. 

I stepped back, letting Father Kuroz open the lock. I felt my body tense, but with my friends beside me, with my new life, I felt ready to face anything. I was going to scream to the heavens, to bring those who wronged me and many others to ruin. I was going to bring them hell. 

Then we came face to face with a fucking archfey.


	8. On The Mend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events that transpired when the part met the Fey Lord...and Bianca learned of what happened to her, she's taking some time to process and heal. Bianca is not fully recovered from the revelation...but she will take the steps needed to become who she needs to be. Other secrets also tug at her mind...

It was a lovely and wonderful day today. Cool, but sunny and still warm enough to feel pleasant. A good day to show one’s arms off, if one were inclined to do so. We spent the majority of our time walking, headed to Brighton. By the end of it, as the sun started to set over the distant mountains, I was feeling a nice sense of tiredness. It was the nice feeling of exhaustion that came from a day of work. Well, the work was just walking, but it still felt good.   
I wasn’t sure if my bright mood came from my own feelings, or the lack of stress. Seeing that Fey, hearing his voice and...and those eyes. In the moment it was as if everything that made me who I was was stripped away. It was a distressing feeling. But, each step we took away from that cursed place lifted my heart just a bit more. And as we hit the open road, with songs in our hearts and a bounce in our step (Ok, maybe it was just me.), it was even easier to forget everything.   
Of course, the letter from Nives also added to things. While she sounded angry, one must remember: Nives hates writing and always sounded angry. I remembered years ago, laughing when reading over a letter she’d sent to Genevieve. Nives was supposed to be congratulating her on an achievement. However, It sounded like she was about to break into her house and throttle her! So, her words did not distress me. She was just….well...a bit upset at my foolishness. I offended her by implying she’d moved on. That’s ok, I can make it up to her. Of that I am more than sure.   
I sat against a tree, watching everyone else enjoy their meals. I felt like some time alone, and my travelling companions were respectful of that. It’s not that I’m in a dark mood, I just need to be quiet and alone a bit to sort my thoughts. I smiled as I opened the letter to read it again. It felt nice to see her words, it made me feel closer to her. I swear, I could hear that slight rasp to her voice. It always made me smile. My eyes traced over the letter again, I must have read it over a dozen times. I couldn’t wait until she read my response. I hoped I wasn’t too flowery. Nives didn’t like side talk, but I also could not help how I write! My heart was soaring and I had to express it. I was sure she’d forgive a bit of poetry!   
Folding up the precious slip of paper, I slipped it under my shirt. I knew it was cliche, but holding the letter close to my heart felt right (Even if it did get sweaty). I leaned back and smiled, idly eating dinner, a nice stew. It is such an odd thing: Our lives, the world’s dealings, it’s all been so much darker, more foreboding lately. The feeling that we are all pieces in a great puzzle troubled me so. But on the other side. I myself have felt better and better. As if my heart has been cleared of all of it’s burdens. There are only two that remain: I must come clean to my friends. To tell them the real truth of what happened to me. They probably have guessed it all by now. But that is not important. I have to tell them, to be honest with them. I know they will understand once they hear my reasons.   
The other burden? Well...that one might have to wait. I’m not exactly concerned about my friend's reactions. That was not what filled me with fear. I was sure that everyone here would mostly NOT care at all. The way you are seemed important to them, not where you came from. I let out a loud sigh (possibly more loud than I intended) My worry was with Nives. I was so afraid this little secret I’ve been forced to keep will be a wedge between us. There are other circumstances to all of this, things that I fully understand about Nives. But she might not be able to accept this.   
A frown drew itself across my face, the worry that played in my mind was obvious. Odd that my openness was such a source of diplomacy for me. I simply was who I was, and people generally trusted me for that. But, it did make it hard to hide myself if needed. And despite what people may think, there are times I like to hide myself. Especially with this. I’ve been avoiding this topic for, well, years now. The more time that passed, the harder it became. Would Nives forgive me? It was so hard to say.   
After all of these dealings. This matter with the gate, how can I move on? Or rather, what next steps should I take? I set the bowl down, pinching the bridge of my nose and letting out another sigh. My next steps after all this felt more daunting than facing an arch fey! The choices I’d have to make, the ones I’d been avoiding all this time. I wish I could leave them up to someone else, but alas that’s not how life works.   
“It looks as if you could use a good night’s sleep.” I looked up to see Gwyn standing over me. One of the rare times she can be looking down at me. I smiled.   
“Ah, don’t you dare imply I’m tired after a day's walk!” I said with a chuckle.   
“Well, you’ve looked far-off since we left the village.” Gwyn shifted from one foot to the next, putting a hand on her hip. Her expression was, as usual, impassive. But I could tell there was a note of concern to her voice. I laughed.   
“Don’t worry Gwyn! I’m fine...there’s just been a lot of process lately.”  
“And hopefully a bit to discuss.” My smile fell, I shook my head.   
“I’m sorry. When I’m ready…” My voice faded at the end. Gwyn nodded slowly, as if considering my words carefully. To her credit, she hasn’t pushed at all. That at least seemed to satisfy her.   
“Hmm...then perhaps you are still energetic enough for a spar?” She asked, clearly knowing to change the subject. A slight curl of her lips, it was nice to see her smile more often. Well, this IS a Gwyn version of a smile. I pushed myself up off the ground, rolling my shoulders and flexing my arms.   
“That I can oblige you in most assuredly!” I said, stepping over to the clearing away from camp, enough space for us. We squared off against each other, Gwyn’s stance was a bit looser and lower to the ground. She always looked ready to strike, even relaxed. But when she took her stance, I felt a jolt of excitement. She was a grand opponent to have. A tad intense and scary. But so fast and skillful it made me eager for more.  
I grinned widely, watching her feet, noting how she started to circle me. It was nice to be able to have friends again. I hadn’t really had many growing up, due to many factors. And my early years in the Conclave saw me striving to out-compete my peers, rather than befriend them. But this group, this band of misfits? I have truly found good friends here, ones that were worth their weight in gold.   
Even with this little moment: With other people, I might have felt shame, or the feeling of burdening Gwyn with my sadness. But no, I simply felt as if they were all here for me. Wanting to see me happy and thriving. They cared about who I was beyond my muscle or magic. I wasn’t just some hunter, or some dog to sic on their problems. I was an ally, a comrade, a friend. No matter what happens past this point. That shall remain. These three oddities will forever and always have place in my heart. I felt like I was back to being Bianca Steiner. THE Bianca Steiner: an amazing, wonderful, vital, strong, talented...and loved person.


	9. Bianca's Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Bianca's lineage revealed, we take a little peek into her past. Meet little Bianca and see where she came from!

I woke with a start, the cold air of the night hit my cheeks like a hard slap. I was in bed, home. The palace. The dream I had was still floating around in my mind. It was so vivid, so real. Even though it wasn’t a nightmare, I felt the urge to call out for mother, a hug would be nice right now. But no, I had to be brave.  
After taking a few moments to calm myself, I looked around. My room was just as I’d left it when I went to bed, illuminated by the soft glow from my eyes. My puzzle was still scattered on the table, along with a few papers and my toy soldiers. I hadn’t cleaned up before bedtime, I’ll have to wake early to do it so the servants don’t have to. I looked down at my hands, rubbing the tips of my fingers together. It was just a dream, but it felt so...special.  
I made sure to check for monsters lurking in the dark recesses of my room, I slid out of bed. The warm, thick comforter almost seemed to try and pin me down, pull me back to slumber. I could get into trouble if anyone heard me up well past my bedtime. But I had to know, I saw something in my dream, and I remember it in one of my books. Besides, risk is part of a hero’s life, and a queen should BE a hero!  
I just had to see what it was. The shape was so familiar. My feet met the cold wood floor, sending a chill up me. I fought the yelp that jumped up my throat, threatening to escape. I stood for a moment, shivering and slipping on a small cloak. It was soft purple, my favorite colour. Mother told me it was for royalty, but everyone should get to wear it! It’s so nice! When I am queen I will decree that everyone can wear purple! But only if they wanted to.  
I shook the silly thoughts from my head, and padded to the book shelf. I needed my book on the ancient ways, the green spine with gold lettering practically worn out with how many times I’d read it. As I shuffled over to my shelf, I nearly knocked over my staff. I’d snuck out to the royal weaponsmith to commission a weapon worthy of my magical might the MINUTE I discovered I was a sorceress. He was kind enough to craft a mighty staff, telling me he made sure to reinforce it to handle all my magic. I managed to grab it before it clattered to the floor, letting out a sigh as I leaned over to rest it against my bed again, I stopped, then clung to it. Better to be armed in the dark of the night!  
My bookshelf rested on the far side of the room, bustling with tomes of wisdom. The knowledge and raw power they held was unknown for all but me. My finger traced over the titles: Survival Basics, How trees work, The shining knight of Aramethia. I smiled at my trove, so many books, so many stories. I loved to read just as much as I liked to practice the things I read. Maybe one day, I’ll get to stomp around the wilds, learning about animals and plants and helping people with my stupendous magics. One day, later.  
I frowned as I got to the end of my books. Every shelf checked twice; it wasn’t there. Hmm, a thief? Oh wait no, I had to take it back to the royal library. I sighed as I stood and looked over my shelf. “Dang...Bianca you have to not be so forgetful!” The words did not boom out, simply slipped past my lips, seeming to be devoured by the darkness.  
The door to the corridor loomed before me, I just had to make it down the hall, then one flight of stairs, then the library. All in the dark, all alone. I steadied myself. I can do this. I am Princess Bianca Everoch Steiner! I’m going to grow up to be a queen, and a hero. I’m going to save people, fight monsters, and make them apologize. I waited at the door, watching the gap at the floor. A guard would be passing by at some point, and then I could make my escape. Sure enough in a few minutes, the sounds of footsteps, the light from a lantern lit up the space. I waited until it passed, then carefully opened the door and slid out.  
The hall, which usually was so warm and inviting, was dead cold and black as the sky. I crept along, knowing my way by memory. It was hard to ignore the pounding of my heart in my chest. But I had to be brave, heroes are brave. That's what all the books taught me, all of the stories I’d read were about brave knights and cunning wizards. I even read about some of my ancestors. All of them did heroic things, and helped their people. So...a scary dark hallway should be nothing, right?  
It wasn’t far to the library, I’ve walked there many times to classes, or just to see what else I could find in it. But here, tonight, the way felt unfamiliar. And the journey felt like it was going to take ages. Even going down the stairs to the lower floor felt like I was climbing down some great, endless tower.  
The royal library was for the royal family only, which felt kind of unfair. There were a lot of really good stories in here, I bet all the people in the kingdom would want to read them!  
I eventually got to the massive doors of the library, the light from an approaching guard’s lantern told me I had to be fast. I quickly pulled open one of the large doors, closing it just in time. The guard’s footsteps almost seemed to cause me to jump as I leaned against the door, catching my breath. Once he was well away, and my victory was assured, I let out a slight giggle of joy. The library was massive, two stories, easily. But right now, I couldn’t even see the ceiling, the gloom seemed to swallow it up. I grabbed one of the candles sitting on a table by the door and flicked my fingers, the flame sputtered to life, dancing on the wick perfectly. I giggled again “Yeah! Go Bianca!” I struggle to remain quiet.  
I padded over to the shelves, the stone floor painfully cold. But I took a moment to reach down, find the fire, and warm myself up. Being a sorceress was SO cool! I remembered where it belonged, the book I needed was in the folklore section. It didn’t take long to find it, especially with how familiar it was to me. The history of my kingdom, and it’s people, was the main thing I loved to read about. We had such a long and frankly cool history. Filled with heroes, brave tales and adventure! The lands up North were harsh, and we were stronger folk for it. But what I loved most was learning about our traditions: the shamanistic rituals that my parents were intent to erase.  
I pulled the book out, rushing over to a table to open it. Each page a treasure trove of interesting facts, each flutter of a page as a leafed through it reigniting my excitement. It took me a bit of time to get through the pages, looking for the image. My dream was still fresh in my mind. A moon, silver and bright, with an image seemingly carved on it. A symbol I’d seen many times before. I just couldn’t quite place it, it was very familiar though. I stopped at the right page, tapping my finger to the image: A symbol of the dire wolf, done up with intricate knotwork. It’s the mark of a hunter in my lands, the largest, mightiest predator in all the wilds. I was drawn to that wolf moon, feeling some deep connection, or like a pull. I knew it.  
It was a sign, I was meant to be a great hunter. I slammed the book closed, the sound causing me to flich, I got a bit carried away in the moment. It’s all so clear now! What a fitting role for a queen to have! I giggled, rushed the book back to its home and set off to return to my room. With my quest completed, I felt the sense of pride from doing a good job. Like when I got my lessons right, or when I tried to help out around the palace. With this new piece of information, I felt even more brave, the hallways didn’t seem so dark now.


	10. Bianca's Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recent events have pushed Bianca to her limits, she tries to accept that she could at any moment be gone again. The weight of it is bringing her to a breaking point...

The past few days saw us travelling along the path we agreed on. The air was still crisp, but its bite was getting more and more severe. We drew closer and closer to the harsher seasons, the ones that I adored. My boots crunched against the dirt as we marched along. The joy that danced in my heart when we left Bridon slowly merged into a grey morase. It was such a change for me, to simply have fun. As odd as that is to say, I so rarely indulge myself in that sort of frivolous exercise. While I do adore being boisterous, drinking deeply from the cup of life, I rarely let myself simply have fun in a manner like that.   
I smiled as I remembered the pie eating contest: both Father Kuroz and I struggled so hard, but alas we fell to the deft blade of Thomas. I wished the champion well and hoped he had a wonderful rest of the festival. A laugh escaped my lips, causing my elven friend in front of me to turn her head to the side. “Something on your mind, Bianca? Perhaps a joke of some sort?”   
“Aha, no no I was...thinking of the festival!” I answered back, my voice booming, but not so much that it made me cringe. The wilds, the outdoors had a way of massaging and smoothing loud sounds. Unlike a palace chamber, all reverberation and amplification. The way that the royal life served only to point out one’s flaws, to force a person into a mold nagged at my mind. ‘Now was not the time for such thoughts’ I chastised myself. Gwyn said nothing to my reply, she simply shrugged and returned to scanning over her map. She so often did that, as if plans and schemes were means of breathing. Unavoidable.   
Traveling hill over dale, we kept on towards Mahvir. We, every day, marched farther and farther away from the odd valley we all woke up in. Everyday, we marched closer and closer to Nives, my ultimate goal. Sadly,this will not be an end for me, but a beginning. No warm hearth and my love in arms until time ends. We have work to do. The reality is that this will be just the start of all of this chaos we were wrapped up in. I did not care, I would face the gates of all nineteen hells with her at my side. I would dive into the pits of despair with Nives watching my back.   
The sky merged from azure to deep ocher, the grand brush stroke across the canvas and day painted a beautiful night sky. We continued on for only a bit longer, wanting to make better time. However, we had to break camp after sunset completed its show. Father Kuroz took the first watch, leaving a grumpy Gwyn to trance and then take the next watch. Then I took mine. It was odd, the idea of not really sleeping. How can one truly understand indulgence if they cannot commit the ultimate of pleasures? Sleep.   
I let out a sigh as I settled into my bed roll, stripped of my armor, wearing only my tunic and pants. I really did detest that travel demanded I kept clothed at night. It felt so restricting. One of the first freedoms away from my musty old home was being able to embrace my body. Sleeping with cool sheets and nothing else. This would have to do for now, I suppose.   
Another sigh, another time I’ve tossed in my makeshift bed. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the stars. When I was little, the sky was a vast tapestry, it brought me a sense of wonder and I adored hearing the stories that they told. I’d spend many nights at a fire, listening to the local shaman’s stories of the various gods and goddesses, the wars, the battles. The great tales of my ancient people. I tried to recall a few, but my mind was too clouded.   
As the excitement of the day faded, the opportunity for distraction made its leave. I was left alone with my thoughts, those devious creatures. Lately, one thought kept worming its way into the forefront, and it broke my heart it was not Nives. It was anger: Anger over being taken from my old life. Anger over being betrayed. I was taken, used, had such horrors inflicted upon me. Even the shreds of memories I held of what they did to me sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes, but the images were too haunting tonight. With a grunt, I rose and walked away from my bedroll.   
The ground was cold and hard, grass sliced at me with frozen blades. It would be brown and shriveled soon, retreating into hibernation. The lands slowly prepared themselves for the inevitable. My bare feet took in all of the sensations, the sharp cold greeted me. I took in a breath, then let it out. Despite it all, the flames I felt still bubbled up. Practically radiating off of my skin, I felt as if I was caught in a blaze. My breath came out in ragged gasps, caught between breaking into sobs and screaming until my lungs bled.   
“Lass, are you alright?” Kuroz’s voice rang in my ears a moment, mixed with the blood pounding in them. I took a breath before a response.   
“I’m fine, old man...I’m just...restless.” The lie was certainly not going to work. I was not the best at deception, even at the best of times. That is a skill I could not learn from Gwyn even if I watched her all day everyday. Even the lie that the Conclave made me tell, I was horrible at keeping. They. I clenched my hands into fists. Marching over to a tree that sat at the edge of the camp. I slammed my fist into the trunk. Feeling the impact brought a shred of satisfaction. I wanted to hurt and maim, but no one who deserved it was near. Only my dear lovely friends. Those who I’d never hurt.   
I knew that there was no way to get this out without them knowing. I hated that. I wanted to suffer in the dark alone, I wanted to scream and cry with no one to bear witness. I wanted to NOT be a thing that was gawked at; a show, a play, an entertaining story down the road. It could not be held in. I struck the tree, a loud reverberating thunk broke the silence of the night. Leaves rustled and a few even fell, they drifted aimlessly to the ground.   
My ears caught the sound of footsteps, the rustling of cloth. “Bianca? What are you doing up at this hour?” Gwyn’s refined voice sounded so calm and soft, but it sliced through the air like a well-oiled blade. I glanced over after striking the tree again, spying all of them standing and watching. The exposure fueling my anger more.   
“I’m fine…” I growled, but my resolve faded. My hands fell to my sides, as did my gaze. “No, no I’m not.” I turned to my friends, the rage now boiling in my chest. “I’m angry. I’m furious! They took everything from me!” I bellowed. “They ripped me from my life! MY life! The one I built and suffered for! I was forced into SO many things. Forced to disfigue myself and walk about in a mask. I ripped those parts out of me and claimed my life as my own! Even when my parents sent me to the Conclave, all for their precious honor!” I turned and hit the tree again. “But I built a life, it was mine! And they….they dragged me from it.” I felt my breath now burning my lips at each exhale, flames licked the edges of the clouds of condensation.   
“And I know, I….I met Nives because of all this. But it doesn’t make it right! It doesn’t make it right that I had to build my life YET AGAIN!” A sob choked my words, but I could not stop. “How many times will I have to do this? When will all of you, when will NIVES be ripped from me!? How can I trust anything is permanent when it keeps being taken from me!?”   
I started to pace, as if in the midst of a duel, I felt on edge. My arms were hot as coals in a fire. The flames started to flicker from my fingertips. “They violated me. My body! It’s mine, not there’s and they jabbed and tore me open...and did things to me.” Another sob wracked me and I turned to slam my fist into the tree, the satisfying crunch tore a cry from my lips. “They left my body marked! These scars! They were not from deeds nor victory! They did this to me, without my permission. They tore into me, they robbed me!” I fell to my knees, cradling the now-hurt arm. It was just too much and I could not hold on, the anger gave to despair, the scream at my throat turned to sobbing. I curled up and wailed like a child.   
Moments passed and my sorrow felt no less raw than it was before. The heat retreated at least, as if this release was easing the pressure. More sobs wracked me, I couldn’t gather myself. I tried as hard as I could to stop, but my grief was laid bare. Eventually, I felt hands on me: rough and calloused “Bianca…” The old dwarf said in his softest voice. Another hand gently laid on mine, softer.   
“It’s ok Bianca, we’re here for you and we aren’t going away.” Elenin’s cheery tone would have sounded false coming from anyone else, but not him. After a moment, I felt like I could talk again, I hiccuped a few times, and swallowed.   
“I never wanted to be a burden to you all again, I-I’m sorry for losing myself.” I was quiet, not wanting to keep bringing so much attention to it.   
“It’s...alright Bianca.” Gwyn finally spoke, I winced. This must have been so disgusting to her, with how much she controlled her own feelings. This display must have been repulsive to her. I felt shame wash over me. “What happened to you was wrong, you have every right to be angry at those who did this to you.” I sucked in a breath to prevent my shoulders from shaking, my words cut off by sorrow. I nodded.   
After some guidance and insistence, I was brought back to my bed roll. I wrapped the blanket over my shoulders, hugging my legs to me. I didn’t want to sleep, even if I had this moment of release, I still wanted to avoid the thoughts. The images that lanced their way into my mind. The tug of sleep pulled, but I resisted. I looked over at the campfire, the warmth and light. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the night. I wish they'd bring me the comfort they did before.   
Father Kuroz, after much cajoling, mended my arm with his magics. I felt guilt at having us waste yet more resources on myself. But they cared, and they wanted to help me. Ever since I travelled to these lands, I’ve had to learn that I am not so strong as to never require help.   
I could not stop thinking about what I was going to do. What I had to do. Perhaps Nives had been right about the Conclave all along? That it was an institution inherently flawed? I needed it to be just though, I needed to know that I fought for something good. Is there anything redeemable? Are they the same as they were back then? The ones who took me, are they the exception, or the rule?


	11. The night bears time, and minds bears thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bianca is sitting at the camp while the rest of the party run off and do night hijinks, it's a long silly story. But the fact is that Bianca's left alone with her thoughts.

The night was crisp and cool. Like most nights at this time of year. It was a relieving sort of chill for me. Yet again, it reminded me of home. Also, it added to the wonderful, starless night sky. It was so beautiful to sit at night and watch them, wondering what tales they had yet to tell. I often looked up to them, finding comfort in the fact that Nives saw the same ones as I. 

The sting of the wind was not quite as fierce as it could be. It was not quite winter yet, the fall season still wore on. It seemed as if each week dragged on and on. Perhaps it was because of all of the commotion we have been through. Or, it might have simply been because I wanted to be back with Nives and the anticipation dragged time along. 

I wondered what this winter would bring, hopefully more fortune than this current season has brought. Perhaps some calm even. That felt unlikely, with how much chaos had been introduced into the world. But...perhaps if we, this odd group of misfits, could actually seal the doors? Could it really be possible to put an end to all this? I always boast of being a hero. But for the longest time I was just a selfish braggart, wanting only what I could have for myself? Deep down in my heart, do I really have what’s needed to do this? 

My friends and I had been travelling all day; and as we settled down to rest, Father Kuroz and Elanin started acting...strangely. I want to say I had not noticed their odd behavior before. (It is impolite to comment on people like that, my mother would always say). But, it was hard to ignore their odd fascination with that sketchy substance they kept drinking. Back home, we did have forms of moonshine: Potent spirits that could often knock a dwarf on their ass in a few sips. But this was something far different, and I was honestly worried. So, when they ran off and Gwyn followed them, I decided to stay back and watch the camp. 

I sat by the fire, as Violet and Kalia played together. “Ok, ok...calm down you two.” speaking the words in Sylvan. I was overjoyed to realize they understood that tongue. I liked Sylvan, it made my voice sound pretty. Unlike common, where I sounded...far too much. I gently picked up both of them, setting Kalia in my lap and Violet next to me. “I have to watch the camp, and we all might as well get some rest in, hmm?” The beast settled in my lap, and I idly petted her silky fur while looking into the flames. 

“Ah...master, I wish I could speak with you, just once more.” I sighed. “I feel as if it’s a blessing you are gone, in a way. I’d hate you to see the woman I became. I was so full of promise. Potential, and you helped me to harness it all. Under your firm hand I grew and flourished. I became a woman of repute, strength, and honor….” 

I looked down at little Kalia, petting her some more. “But now...ever since I woke up, I seem to have made a mess of things. For a short, sweet while, I thought that I had regained my confidence. I found Nives, she chose me, and I was whole again.” My gaze shifted to the treeline, to the path where Gwyn, Elenin and Kuroz had gone. “Being parted with her revealed the truth to me though: I am not doing well. I am not thriving. I am...barely sputtering along. Even recently, with Gwyn...I seem to not be able to even say the right words to her. I offend or harm her….or else I look like a jackass in her eyes..”

The fire snapped and crackled, I poked at the embers, and added some wood to it. “I keep thinking that I am on the right track. That I am...growing out of the petulant child I was, but I then continue to make a joke of myself. I wonder often what they think of me.” She smiled a bit as Kalia nibbled on her finger. The tough flesh worn and callused with years of training. “I often am quite sure I would hate the real answers. If stripped of any worry of pretense...what they truly think of me. I never wanted to become the village fool. I am a queen, a noble, a warrior! And yet…” I felt a sigh escape my lips again, my shoulders sagged “I continue to disappoint you, master.” 

Mother and father, long ago, must have given up the hope that I would return. Did they give up hope once I became a hunter? When I took upon the mantle and decided to not follow their plans? Did they give up when I rejected their demands to return? Or...did they hold out hope that their rebellious, loud, cumbersome failure of a daughter would ever return. And, this led to the thought that often plagued me: When I went away, when I disappeared...did mother and father feel dread? Or joy? Freed from her in a perfectly culpable way. No longer chained with the burden of having to live with me!? 

Were their last few years filled with relief and peace at never having to see me again? 

I felt the tear cut down my cheek and touch the side of my lip. I reached up to wipe it away. “Dammit Bianca, stop it. Not again. Not now...I cannot afford to fall into that malaise again!” I chastised myself harshly, not showing my anger too much, I didn’t want to disturb the cubs. In fact, Kalia was starting to settle down even more. And Violet was asleep by my side. I shifted a bit in my seat. “I cannot continue to be a failure, by the gods! I...no I need to focus. I need a bit of peace. All I have to do is...follow the old advice: Be nice, be compliant, and above all stop being SO loud Bianca!” I forced my voice to stay a whisper, not wanting to break that sacred rule right away. 

I looked down at Kalia again. “I was happy to hear you had the life you did, master. You really were a hero. A true hero. With an amazing, full, adventurous life. I’m sure that my absence... Only served to improve that life even more.” I sighed and gently cuddled Kalia. “And you Kalia will be a great hunter, won’t you? Yes you will!” I smiled and cuddled the kitty, the worries I was having faded just a bit with a cute little kitty in my arms. Not the usual kitty, but still. 

Movement caught my gaze and I looked up to see the three of them returning. All of them looked odd, but Elenin even more so. No matter, they were my friends after all. I waved to Gwyn, offering her my smile. At least I could not mess up smiling.


End file.
